Dear Ms. Spurzem,
The pearls and cashmere are fake. The face I’m making? It’s as close as I could get it to the one I was making as I read your letter. A mix of shocked, surprised, amused (because clearly it had to be a joke), and offended.
I don’t feel the need to identify myself to you because the only word that describes me the best is: Smithie. I am so unbelievably proud, humbled, amazed, and lucky to be able to consider myself such. I feel sorry for you. Your Smith education must have failed you, and what an amazing thing you missed out on. Thank goodness there are so many amazing and unique individuals from all walks of life who are willing to take every advantage offered here.
P.S.- I’m pretty sure my parents would rather me marry another Smithie, than some random Amherst guy I met at a keg party while wearing pearls.